Indefinite Hiatus in DeviantArt
To those of you who still somehow watch me (why tho): if you decide to unwatch me after reading this journal entry, I completely respect your decision because I am about to state some brutally honest things about myself and my DeviantArt account......
I don't know if this journal entry will actually be the last thing I post in my DeviantArt. There are so many reasons why I hardly post anything here anymore.
TRIGGER WARNINGS: disillusionment towards DeviantArt, mental health issues, suicide mention.
* The most cliché reason that you get a million times is that my jobs take up most of my time that I feel too tired to spend any free time wisely for myself, as I usually work on weekdays AND weekends (there are some exceptions of course). I have been prioritizing my jobs to the point of neglecting my own art practice and self-improvement. Also I notice that so far I DON'T make profit for my own art (I used to do point commissions a few times, but who cares about those anymore?), but I do make profit for teaching art, so I am questioning my own life and the direction it is going in all aspects. Namely, what's the whole point of me drawing when people don't have an open mind to give me a chance to shine? It feels like all the long years of my own awkward growth as an artist, as well as all the pain of dealing with toxic idiots (including family members and people I used to look up to) who disapproved of my love for art and tried to bully and gaslight me into renouncing it, has been all for absolute nothing.
* When I first joined DeviantArt on 2012, I tried to post as often as I could, out of my initial enthusiasm for the site. But over time, like I think around 2015 and onward, I started posting less and less, due to school and jobs really interfering with my productivity. I've also struggled with my own mental health for several years due to personal things like low self-esteem, frustration with my own life, and family troubles, yet I never sought help due to lack of people who actually care. But then I'm from a culture where people don't give fuck shit about mental health at all, to the point of high rising suicide rates. Even though I did have a therapist for a while, the damage had already been done, and it did very little to improve my mental health. Ever since my childhood, I've always wondered why no matter how hard I try to, I am unable to socialize well to maintain any positive or meaningful relationships; I found out too late on 2018 that I have ASD, and yes I was legit diagnosed by a professional. Ever since, I've decided to completely give up on trying to have any friendships in my life, and sought to reclaim my own agency as well as to merely survive and make the most out of my life. I am still going to be friendly and respectful to people for the most part, but over time I have learned the hard way to not overdo the kindness, and to protect myself by burning bridges between myself and toxic people, which I am still working on.
* With the change of the DeviantArt format into Eclipse, I hardly recognize the website anymore. In my eyes, this website has become less encouraging, less constructive, and I cannot connect with any online people anymore. Even some of the groups I have joined have become inactive so any artworks I submit get little to no exposure, therefore defeating the whole purpose of the groups. The last time I posted an artwork in DeviantArt, I have literally gotten ZERO feedback (favorites or comments), which pretty much KILLED OFF any motivation for me to post my art here anymore. Yet I can't bring myself to delete that artwork because it is also posted in my Tumblr, which has actually gotten feedback (likes, reblogs, comment tags) and there I can't delete it entirely off the site (WTF). I also think that most artists have pretty much ditched DeviantArt in favor of other sites like Tumblr, Twitter, Instagram, and/or YouTube, and I cannot blame them at all because of what DeviantArt has now become, with all the rampant AI "art", gross fetish pictures, etc. all over the place. I get that social media keeps evolving over time, so what is popular will eventually die out, which is even more difficult for me to exist as an artist online.
* After years of contemplation, on 2019 I eventually got a Tumblr account despite the website's..... interesting reputation. I chose to do so because just in case some Tumblr idiot reposts any of my artworks without my permission (It literally happened TWICE! 1st time was way before I joined Tumblr and 2nd time was after I joined). At least on Tumblr, you get to make original posts of anything such as shitposts, essays, artworks, etc. (But then people will LITERALLY nitpick on every little thing to death AKA fanwank AKA discourse). Also Tumblr is kind of more fandom-based so it's easier to find people when you post something like fan art for some popular franchise. For original posts I usually do fan art (some of them I have NOT posted in DeviantArt), but otherwise I usually reblog random things that I like. But I still try not to personally interact with anyone there at all (I accidentally and foolishly got into a little argument with a self-absorbed disrespectful little shit there once due to misunderstanding). But all this I am speaking from personal experience, so your mileage may vary. So I don't know if joining Tumblr was a good idea or a dumb idea on my part, but then I don't see myself using it forever for my artworks.
* And speaking of social media, I did try to use Instagram at one point, but the users there are extremely fickle and impatient when following/unfollowing someone, based on my personal experience. But then I'm absolutely terrible with consistency and socializing, plus I have no talent in marketing myself, so I don't know if I'll go back and try again there with any better strategies. I have no plans to post my own art in other social media sites like Twitter or Facebook. Hesitant about Pixiv even though I made an account but haven't posted there yet.
* With the COVID-19 pandemic going on, I have also been trying to make some kind of transformation for myself. Specifically, I wanted to actually focus in my non-art related overdue goals such as studying foreign languages and going on strict diet. I have made some progress in some of these, but ever since the lockdown had lifted and I had to go back to my workplaces in-person, everything has slowed down and reversed.
When I join social media sites, it is NOT necessarily for me to become super popular (I have mixed feelings about this though), but to express myself and prove myself out there as an artist as well as a person. I won't delete this DeviantArt account, because I used to spend so much time in it with uploading artworks, favoriting artworks, etc. so I don't really want to throw everything away. If I ever actually use this account, I am likely to update on the formats or to favorite other people's artworks and that's pretty much about it. I'm also going to delete, storage, or limit view of all the artworks that I have posted because most of them I look back now not with pride but with embarrassment. So DeviantArt will probably no longer be my main site to post my artworks. Nowadays I post my artworks on Tumblr, but that might also change over time.
I don't know if my DeviantArt will every have some kind of renaissance because my plans can change; if the renaissance ever happens, I might delete this journal. But if in any event that my DeviantArt becomes completely dormant for many years, then this means farewell forever to you and I appreciate any and all the time and feedback you have given me over the years.
Major Changes in My Art
Transition from Education to Career
At last...... I've recently graduated from college. Said school was one of the few schools I actually enjoyed attending as a student.Right now, the most important thing I need to worry about is to find employment this year, so I can start financially supporting my family. Also, thanks to being so awfully busy with school I haven't made any decent artwork at all for the past several months, so I really hope to make up for that
And I'm considering going back to school a couple years later or so to earn a Master's degree.Now back to searching for more jobs.......
Study Trip Summer 2016
This month I’m on a 3-week study trip to Italy, for school credit. It's the first time I ever set foot on Europe, so I really hope to make the most out of this experience. Obviously I might be busy during then, and I don’t know how it might affect my activity in this site. But things should go back to normal for me after early July.
I hope you all take care.
DeviantArtist Questionnaire for MK
Recently, it’s DeviantArt’s 15th Anniversary/Birthday, plus I’ve reached my 100th deviation (in both artwork and journals), so here I answer the provided questions below. I wouldn't exactly call this an FAQ about myself (or is it?), but this is something I felt like posting just for the fun of it
How long have you been on DeviantArt?
3 years at this point.
What does your username mean?
“Manna” comes from the story told in Exodus 16:1-36 of the Scriptures, as “food from heaven.” The term literally means “What is it?” “Kana” means scripts, and derives from “hiragana” and “katakana,” the latter from which I was more inspired. Put it all together, and it might mean “script of heavenly food” or “unknown script” or something like that.........
Interestingly, when I wrote my username in Korean, it turned out to be a pun (unintentional on my part) for “Meet and/or go?” (Yes, it’s meant to be a question) I replaced the “k” with the “g” though, since I felt my username in Korean looks better in the latter than the former.
Describe yourself in three words.
Introverted. Moody. Responsible.
Are you left or right handed?
Right handed.
What was your first deviation?
An old high school project of mine.
What is your favourite type of art to create?
Originals, fanart, mythology, religious, copying from famous works of art, etc…… Whatever the hell I want
If you could instantly master a different art style, what would it be?
Realism. Not that I can’t do realism, it’s that I need much more practice on that, rather than just my boring old usual style
What was your first favourite?
Too many things I favorited… anyway, this one:
:thumb317135060:
What type of art do you tend to favourite the most?
Anime and Manga fanart, so far.
Who is your all-time favourite deviant artist?
Too many awesome artists to list all, including those I consider as “Old Masters.”
If you could meet anyone on DeviantArt in person, who would it be?
I won’t specify names here, but it’d be AWESOME to meet my most active watchers/friends (you know who you are
) in person. But if they just prefer online only, then it's each to their own 
How has a fellow deviant impacted your life?
By encouraging my art, getting to know each other, sharing knowledge and opinions, providing emotional support every time I’m in some major distress, etc.
What are your preferred tools to create art?
I usually do traditional art, namely COPIC markers, inks, pens, colored pencils, watercolors, oil, etc. Hopefully I pay some more attention to digital art eventually.......
What is the most inspirational place for you to create art?
Best place is my room/mini-studio, as long as I have the necessary books and supplies, plus as long as it is quiet (except with my music on). Other good places include the library and my art school.
What is your favourite DeviantArt memory?
I won 1st place for a contest (the first I entered) for one of the groups I joined. I personally didn’t really expect to get 1st place, but at least the experience helped boost my ego a bit